


Druidic Tattoos and Nobility Records

by OhanaHoku



Series: The Raven-Haired Warrior, A Raven-Haired Child [12]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Child Abuse, Child Soldiers, Childhood Trauma, Conditioning, Flashbacks, Gen, Hurt Merlin (Merlin), Introspection, Male Friendship, Merlin Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Merlin Needs a Hug (Merlin), Non-Consensual Tattooing, One Shot, One Shot Collection, PTSD, Past Child Abuse, Season/Series 05, Series, Short One Shot, Tattoos, introspective merlin, merlin has issues, part of a series, set in season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:49:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27651590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhanaHoku/pseuds/OhanaHoku
Summary: The morning after talking with Gwaine, Merlin gets a flashback when he sees Mordred's tattoo. Later, he spots Leofwin sneaking into the library.~Part 12 of the series~Series Summary: To protect Mordred, Merlin confesses to having been a child soldier under Cenred's rule before coming to Camelot. This causes ripple effects throughout their lives that culminate into a tidal wave of disaster for the kingdom and its resident warlock.
Relationships: Cenred & Merlin (Merlin), Gaius & Merlin (Merlin), Merlin & Geoffrey of Monmouth (Merlin), Merlin & Mordred (Merlin), Merlin (Merlin)/Original Male Character(s)
Series: The Raven-Haired Warrior, A Raven-Haired Child [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1764406
Comments: 18
Kudos: 125





	Druidic Tattoos and Nobility Records

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HiddnDagger](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiddnDagger/gifts), [WonkyWendy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WonkyWendy/gifts).



> This installment is gifted to HiddnDagger and WonkyWendy whose comments really helped to motivate me for this story! Thank you both so much! You really helped me get through a slump! <3<3<3
> 
> Triggers in the tags as always.

When Merlin woke up the next day, it was to an apprehensive itch under his skin, his nerves shot after his encounter with Gwaine the night before. Even now, as he stared at the ceiling, he could feel the lingering panic that had plagued him all night long. Merlin had almost killed his friend. And more than that, he had had the audacity afterward to shout at him when it was clearly obvious Gwaine was merely trying to make him feel better.

Merlin got up quietly as he thought about what Gwaine had said. He sounded genuine, and he had never known Gwaine to lie to him. But the warlock just didn’t believe that Gwaine would live up to his words if the knight found out about all that Merlin had done. Some things, some things he knew could be forgiven. But there was no way that everything Merlin did could be overlooked. There was too much, and some of it… Some of it Merlin had done willingly.

He shook his head, pushing away the awful memories as he pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes, grinding them there until his head ached and the colors behind his eyelids flared brightly enough to chase away the images in his mind.

He blinked his eyes open as the colors faded and got up, moving to the washbasin and splashing his face with cold water. He glanced to the boy sleeping on his floor as the water dripped down his chin, sighing softly. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do with Mordred. He needed to find something for him to do, a way to earn himself some money. He also had to solidify the boy’s living arrangements.

He grimaced as he thought about that, moving to dry his face off. While it made him uncomfortable to have Mordred staying with him, he honestly couldn’t think of a better place for him to stay. If he stayed, he had people who knew about his magic, who could help him. Merlin had certainly needed that when he first came to Camelot. If it wasn’t for Gaius being that helping hand, he likely wouldn’t have lasted more than a few months before being found out.

But then there was the fact that having Mordred around could make protecting Arthur difficult. At the same time, however, the more suspicious part of Merlin’s mind was telling him that it would be easier to keep tabs on his potential enemy if Mordred were to stay.

Merlin sighed. There was no easy way out of it, and as much as he hated it, he could tell that he needed to keep Mordred close. He wouldn’t be able to rest easy otherwise.

It would seem the only thing he needed to worry about was finding work for Mordred. He doubted the young man would like to work in the castle. It would be quite a blow for the young man to go from nearly being a knight to being a servant. No, he didn’t think Mordred would like that. Still, he’d mention it, just in case, when he talked to Mordred about it.

Speaking of which, he should be getting the boy up now. He could hear Gaius moving about in the other room, likely already fixing breakfast. He sighed, kneeling down and shaking Mordred’s shoulder. “Time to get up.”

The two dressed in silence. There was an awkward tension between the two as Merlin and Mordred tried to figure out the dynamic between them. Merlin didn’t want to be Mordred’s enemy. He wished to reconcile with him, but how?

He glanced at the boy, his eye catching on the druid tattoo etched into the skin on Mordred’s chest.

_ Back aching, shoulders burning, and his head hot with fever, he cried out, begging for them to stop. Tears dripped down his face as they cut into his skin, pricked at the tender flesh, and pounded the stones against his shoulder blades. Magic tingled beneath his skin, almost painful itself, but he couldn’t let it out. He had to control it, to keep it hidden. He screamed as his nerves were set alight with agony, passing out for the fourth time that day into blissful oblivion. _

Merlin shook himself out of the flashback, looking away and ignoring the odd look he got from Mordred as he walked out into the other room. Still, he couldn’t help but wonder about Mordred’s tattoo. Had he accepted it willingly? Or was it forced onto him like Merlin’s was?

Had it hurt?

He sat down at the table with Gaius and Mordred as these thoughts ran through his head, one hand absently reaching back to rub at his shoulder. It had hurt so much when he’d gotten his tattoo, and even though the skin there now was mostly numb scar tissue, he’d never be able to forget how excruciating it was.

After a quiet breakfast and a promise to take Mordred around the village that afternoon, Merlin left to wake Arthur, the warlock missing the concerned look that Gaius directed his way.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

On his way to wake Arthur, Merlin glimpsed Leofwin stepping into the castle library. He frowned, changing direction to follow the man inside. Leofwin was rifling through the papers at Geoffrey’s desk as the genealogist slept slumped back in his chair.

Merlin stepped forward, clearing his throat and smiling innocently as the man spun around. “Is there something I could help you with, Leofwin? I know my way around the library, and I’d hate for you to wake Geoffrey without needing to.”

“Oh, ah, yes! I could use your help then.” Leofwin told him, setting the papers back down. “Actually, I was curious about whether or not a certain family was recorded as being nobility here in Camelot. You see, I have this friend that claims his lineage comes from a knight of Camelot.”

“I know just the book,” Merlin told him, moving to one of the shelves behind Geoffrey. “Mind if I ask the name you’re looking for?”

The man hesitated for a moment before answering. “Bolas.”

Merlin hummed, storing away the information before pulling out one of the books. “Here you go. Every knight that has served the crown of Camelot is recorded in there.” He said, handing it over to the man. “Just make sure to bring it back before Geoffrey goes looking for it.” He told him, that smile back on his face as he stood there.

Leofwin took the book, staring back at Merlin, who merely smiled at him. He wasn’t planning on leaving until the man did.

“Right, well, thank you,” Leofwin said at length, pressing his lips together in a polite smile before leaving.

Merlin watched him go before scowling once Leofwin was out of sight. The man was obviously up to something. He just wasn’t sure what.

The warlock moved between the shelves until he reached the hidden opening of the secret chamber. He’d set up some wards that would help repel people from coming close to the room, and now he spent a couple minutes strengthening the old spells. There was no way Leofwin was getting anywhere close to that room on his watch.

He stopped to look at Geoffrey as he passed by the man on his way out, sighing softly before gently waking the old man. He was too old to be sleeping at a desk, and Merlin knew he spent too many nights there.

The man grumbled some as he woke up, but Merlin coaxed him to get up and retire to his room, promising to bring him some of the cook’s tarts that afternoon after the man had gotten some more sleep.

With that done, Merlin headed once more to the king’s chambers, ignoring the voice in his head that told him he’d be punished for his tardiness. At times, Arthur gave him extra chores to do, but it was nothing like the punishments Cenred had dished out when he was running late.

**Author's Note:**

> Word Count - 1337. Leofwin wasn't going to be in this one at first, but here we are. I hit a huge wall of writer's block after Whumptober and really struggled to work on this story, so thank you to everyone who has been waiting patiently and cheering me on during the lull. <3
> 
> When I was younger, I used to rub at my eyes all the time when I was bored or whatever and watched the colors until they flared and faded to black in pulses and little streaks of lightning. Anyone else do that as a kid?
> 
> P.S. I'm posting fic recommendations on [tumblr](https://ohanahoku-ao3.tumblr.com/), go check it out. :P


End file.
